I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
