how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
