just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
