I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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