so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Houston, we have a squirter
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
