She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
