I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
