You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
