the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
