I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
