piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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