So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
