dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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