I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
