You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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