My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
