i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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