if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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