Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
