I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Randomize
