i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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