i just google imaged poop.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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