xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
