everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
