If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
