I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
