Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
