I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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