Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
