One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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