So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
