I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
