Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
