This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
