i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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