he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
