the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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