I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
