he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
