At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
