Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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