apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
