So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
