New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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