I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
