i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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