i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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