She said her name was "party"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
