we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
two words...techno handjob
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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