At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
