I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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