But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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