Betty ford says i'm here all night
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
