He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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