We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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