you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
