Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Randomize
